I came across this comedy sketch from Simon Eldritch in my once-local newspaper many years ago, and it still makes me giggle every time:
Customer: Worcester sauce crisps please.
Shopkeeper: Sorry, can’t, it’s off the shelves, cancer scare.
Customer: Oh right, Chinese chicken wings?
Shopkeeper: Ah that’s the same. Cancer scare.
Customer: Hamburger relish?
Shopkeeper: Cancer scare.
Customer: Sausage and Mash?
Shopkeeper: Cancer scare.
Customer: Cottage pie?
Shopkeeper: Yes. No wait, cancer scare.
Customer: So they’re all off the shelves because of a cancer scare?
Shopkeeper: Yes.
Customer: (sigh) Just give me a packet of fags then.
Shopkeeper: Certainly. That’ll be £4.50 please.
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